A newborn dad is a man under construction. A child's arrival changes everything. He may well want to say 'help I'm a dad'. The book of Genesis in the Bible tells us that God created mankind in His image, and He gave them the mandate to multiply, to subdue, and to replenish the earth. Basically, go forth and multiply. So from the beginning we've been doing what comes naturally, right? But today we see the breakdown of family, absentee fathers, non-existent parent-child relationships and generally dysfunctional households. Why is this so, what can we do to turn the tide, and where do we start?
Well firstly, nobody trains or teaches one how to be a dad, which is a tragedy in itself. As mentioned, a newborn dad is a man under construction, not the complete article yet. It is then little wonder that poor fatherhood has been a large source of unhappiness for scores of people. When considering that a human being is an eternal being, surely we need to be taught how to raise such an eternal being? It just seems odd that for just about anything else we need a qualification, but for the most fundamental of lifelong tasks we are allowed to flounder as we mess up the next generation.
I fell into fatherhood with a sense of protection over my newborn daughter and a head full of ideals. But very little wisdom accompanied this new venture. I was just so ill prepared to be responsible for another human being, with my own unresolved issues clouding my thinking. I had no clue. Help, I'm a dad! My own dad tried to explain that the arrival of a child heralded the changing of an era, but I thought that life would carry on as normal. I shudder to think how much I irritated my wife with my stereotypical attitudes and my irresponsible actions. While I thought that being involved with the daily chores surrounding my daughter was sufficient, I was woefully mistaken. Changing diapers does not make a man a dad, or so I would learn.
What I found was that nurturing somebody else is difficult when my own insecurities were raging within me. Decisions surrounding discipline, language, schooling, family values and the like can
place a tremendous strain on a young marriage unless they are decided on jointly. Learning to lead a
family does not come naturally; it is a learned skill. Looking back at how terribly inadequate I was
for the role of fatherhood at the time, I want to mentor men to be better fathers so that they avoid the mistakes of their fathers, and maybe, just maybe we can stem the tide of fatherlessness which threatens the very survival of the family as the pillar of society.
Through this series of blogs, I will share my experiences and lessons learned in becoming an effective father. I hope that men and women alike will enjoy the ideas shared as they make their way to being effective parents. Here's to effective fathering!
